I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
