Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
