Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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