The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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