idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
