i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
