just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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