I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
