Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
two words: eviction party
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
