i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
