You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
