Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
