She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
