i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
