Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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