he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Text me some of your sweat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
