standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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