I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
