if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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