pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
