I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
