there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
