Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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