he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
