Tell her she can't have a vagina
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
