Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
