she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
