I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
