It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
