Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
