Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
