I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
