I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
