Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Randomize
