end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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