Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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