once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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