I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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