I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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