Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
