If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
