I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
