He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
