And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
