Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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