Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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