oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am midnight drunk by noon
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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