the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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