just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
