If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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